Why You Can Plan a Wedding Before You're Engaged (and Why That's Smart)

I get emails all the time that start with, “Hi Josh, we’re not even engaged yet, but…” followed by an apology for contacting me “too early.” Let me stop you right there. You’re not too early. You’re actually spot on.

The truth is, some of the best conversations I have about weddings happen with couples who haven’t yet had the ring moment, the proposal story, or even the formal “will you marry me?” question. And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that.

Engagement Is About Intent, Not Instagram

Here’s what I reckon: engagement isn’t about a surprise proposal with a photographer hiding in the bushes. It’s about two people deciding they want to spend their lives together and take the legal, emotional, and practical steps to make that happen.

Some couples I marry never had a proposal at all. They simply talked about their future, decided they wanted to get married, went ring shopping together (or skipped rings entirely), and started planning their wedding. Others had elaborate proposals but had been discussing marriage for months beforehand.

The decision to get married doesn’t happen when someone gets down on one knee. It happens in conversations over coffee, during long walks, in quiet moments when you both realise this person is your person. The proposal, if there is one, is often just the public announcement of a decision that’s already been made.

Why Wedding Vendors Love Early Birds

When couples contact me before they’re officially engaged, I’m actually thrilled. Here’s why:

We can have real conversations. Without the pressure of a set wedding date or the stress of ticking boxes, we can talk about what really matters: what kind of ceremony you want, what marriage means to you, and whether we’re a good fit for each other.

You’re making thoughtful decisions. Couples who reach out early are usually the ones who’ve given serious thought to what they want their wedding to be like. They’re not caught up in the whirlwind of being newly engaged and feeling pressured to book everything immediately.

There’s no rush. We can explore ideas, talk through different options, and really get to know each other. Some of my favourite couples have been ones I’ve chatted with for months before they even set a date.

You’re ahead of the game. Popular vendors (and I’m not being modest here, but I do book out well in advance) often have limited availability. Getting in touch early means you’re more likely to secure the people you really want on your team.

The Practical Benefits of Planning Ahead

Beyond the emotional and relational benefits, there are some seriously practical reasons to start thinking about your wedding before you’re engaged:

Budget reality checks. You can start researching what things actually cost without the pressure of having to book immediately. This helps you set realistic expectations and budgets.

Vendor availability. The best wedding creators often book 12-18 months in advance. If you’ve got your heart set on a particular photographer, venue, or celebrant, early contact gives you the best shot at securing them.

Stress reduction. Wedding planning can be overwhelming when you’re trying to cram everything into a few months. Starting early means you can take your time, make thoughtful decisions, and actually enjoy the process.

Date flexibility. When you’re not rushed, you can be more flexible about dates, potentially saving money and getting better availability.

But What If People Think It’s Weird?

Some people might raise eyebrows at planning a wedding before you’re engaged. To those people, I say: mind your own business. Every couple gets to write their own love story, and there’s no rule book that says you have to follow a particular timeline.

If planning together feels right for you, if it brings you closer together and gets you excited about your future, then you’re doing it right. The people who matter will understand. The people who don’t understand don’t matter.

A Different Kind of Engagement

I’ve married couples who got engaged at their local registry office while filling out their Notice of Intended Marriage. I’ve married couples who decided to get married on a Tuesday and called me on Wednesday. I’ve married couples who planned for two years and others who planned for two weeks.

What they all had in common was a commitment to each other and a decision to get married. The rest is just logistics and paperwork.

Making Your Own Rules

The wedding industry has spent decades telling us there’s a right way to do things: get engaged, announce it, plan for a year, have a big party, spend a fortune, stress yourselves silly. But here’s the thing – it’s your wedding, and you get to make the rules.

If you want to start planning before you’re engaged, start planning. If you want to skip the engagement altogether and just get married, do that. If you want to be engaged for five years while you save up for the perfect wedding, that’s fine too.

The only people who need to be comfortable with your timeline are you and your partner. Everyone else can keep their opinions to themselves.

What Really Matters

At the end of the day, what matters isn’t when you start planning or how you get engaged or whether you follow tradition. What matters is that you’re making a thoughtful, intentional decision to spend your lives together and that you’re creating a wedding that reflects who you are as a couple.

So if you’re reading this and thinking about reaching out to vendors before you’re officially engaged, stop apologising and start planning. We’re here for it, we’re excited to meet you, and we can’t wait to help you create something beautiful.

Your wedding day should be the best day of your lives so far. Whether you start planning that day six months before you’re engaged or six months after doesn’t matter one bit. What matters is that when the day comes, it feels like you – unscripted, unfiltered, and absolutely perfect.

The couples who plan ahead, who take their time, who make thoughtful decisions? They’re the ones who end up with weddings that feel like them rather than weddings that feel like everyone else. And those are always the best weddings to be part of.