Jun 04, 2024

A Warning About Me

I’m an individual.

Living in Tasmania, where our tight-knit community values authenticity and personal connections, it’s worth stating the obvious sometimes: I am an individual, I am not the same as everyone else.

So let’s put this very unoriginal statement into context: I am a unique marriage celebrant. In Australia, there are about 9,000-10,000 celebrants, and here in Tasmania, we’re a smaller but mighty group. I am not the same as every other celebrant. In fact, I am completely unique to every other celebrant on the island, or indeed, the planet.

But forgetting the mathematics of it all, I am an individual, and I’m not writing this to show off or to boast. I’m actually writing it as a warning. A warning to all who may want to book me as their Hobart celebrant. Read this blog post and consider yourself warned. You now know what you’re getting yourself into. You booked an individual to be the celebrant at your wedding, and this is what that means.

I don’t read word for word from my notes, unless the situation calls for it, like your vows, or a poem or a reading. Everything else is adlib from notes and dot points and from my brain. This is just how I speak in public, whether we’re overlooking the Derwent River or standing in a vineyard in the Coal River Valley.

I have a personality, I was born with it, my friends encourage it, my family rolls their eyes at it. I cannot apologise for it, I is who I is. It’s a jovial personality. Likes to smile and hang out with people, just like any good Tasmanian.

I lose things sometimes, or just leave them in places, like my sunglasses that I somehow misplaced at Salamanca Market last weekend. What I mean to say is that I’m human, I make mistakes, sometimes.

I think that when two people ask me to marry them, they’ve already made the commitment to each other before they ever met me. So my job isn’t to magically glue them together in some kind of ancient weird ceremony where we sacrifice goats on Mount Wellington (though that would be memorable). My job is to pull their people together for a rare 18 minutes of real-life-special-stuff where we stop and celebrate a marriage beginning.

I think that the phrase “traditional vows” doesn’t mean anything, whether you’re getting married in a historic Hobart church or on a beach in Freycinet.

I believe the best wedding vows on the planet are real, true, honest words that you thought of yourself. They’re not a show, they’re a confession, a wailing from your heart, the words that remain when you throw all of your other stuff aside. That’s a vow. Not “I do”.

I don’t really do the “I do” thing at my ceremonies, unless the couple wants them. It just has no legal binding in Australia and is generally a church thing. But if we can come up with something cool for you to “I do” to, then let’s do it.

I’m actively thinking of new ways to celebrate marriages. This could strike at any moment - walking along Battery Point, hiking in Cradle Mountain, or watching the sunset over the harbor.

I don’t really love wedding traditions for the sake of traditions. They all feel like I’m wearing someone else’s underpants. Their traditions are fine and dandy and lovely and awesome. But you are not required by law to follow them… and frankly… they’re someone else’s traditions.

There’s an exception to this though: if you find meaning, and purpose and can take ownership of a wedding tradition, then own that baby. She’s all yours. Throw that bouquet with passion at MONA. Otherwise - throw them all to the wayside.

I make typos in blog psots.

I’m almost never available at 3 pm Saturday. Even though I get the coolest, hippest, most unique wedding couples in Tasmania, 3 pm Saturday is just a popular time to hold a soirée. So if you’d love me to be at your wedding, consider a different day or time, even an evening - imagine how beautiful the Hobart lights would be!

I don’t think there should be sides to a wedding. Just pick a seat and stop being awkward. The view of kunanyi/Mount Wellington is great from everywhere anyway.

I love it when a crowd of wedding guests cheers the couple on. It just feels right, and the echoes across the Tasmanian landscape make it even better.

I might laugh at your wedding. Sorry not sorry.

I like to take a selfie with couples after weddings. It’s so awesome capturing that real-life raw #justmarried moment #sorrynotsorry #hobartlife.

I think the most important thing at a wedding is the marriage. Everything else is just fluff. The stunning Tasmanian backdrop is a bonus, but the only thing that matters is that marriage thing, that real-life thing.

I also think that a marriage, regardless of whatever other beliefs exist, is a union between two people, to the exclusion of all others, voluntarily entered into for life. If you have any other meaning, understanding, or belief about marriage, it sits on top of that foundation.

I won’t tell you how to live your life, or your marriage. I’ll let your parents bring you up 🫠

I like music loud. Especially at wedding ceremonies. Especially if it’s the Foo Fighters echoing across the Huon Valley.

I think a wedding ceremony is the most real-life, real thing, that can happen in life. Everything else is a lead-up to, or a result of, that real-life thing.

I like to wear clothes that match my personality. Even if that means you never see my sexy socks (though they keep me warm during those chilly Tassie mornings).

I’m at my best when someone lets me be me. Not someone else. You see, I’m an individual, not sure if I’ve mentioned this yet. I am me.

I think that some of the best weddings have happened on a weekday or at night. And they’ve also had no bridal party. The best one was where everyone there was the bridal party. In short, the best weddings are personal, whether they’re in a historic Hobart venue or on a wild West Coast beach.

I’m a full-time celebrant; this is my family’s sole income. Although this is my greatest passion in life, and something I’ve dreamed about doing, now I do it also as a living and my family supports my business as I help create magical moments across Tasmania.

I’ve got feelings. I read every single email and Facebook post and Tweet and Instagram comment. I Google my name and I read things and I take them to heart, because I’m human. Doesn’t everyone do that?

I’m insanely passionate about doing a really amazing job at weddings. When I don’t, I know it, and if you think I didn’t, then I’m sad. It’s more of an art than a service and it’s awesome when people like your art and it sucks when they don’t.

I like coffee (especially from our local Hobart cafes), gaming, gadgets and playing with photography. Time with my family should have been at the start of that list, but it’s not in any order, right?

Also, when we meet, and we will meet at least once if not a thousand times before the wedding day (perhaps over coffee in Salamanca), we’ll talk about your ceremony, about how it can be unique, personal, special and memorable. We’ll discuss what’s going to happen in the ceremony, and you’ve got control over that. But in the end, you’ve got to trust that I’ll do a great job. So you don’t get a draft of the ceremony or a word-for-word copy of the ceremony. Only because I don’t have a word-for-word version of your ceremony. Lots of notes, dot points, more notes and scribbles. Then in the ceremony, I can literally be an MC (master of ceremonies), not a script reader.

So consider yourself warned. If you’re not cool with this list (that is probably missing a few things) then you’re totally welcome to book another Tasmanian celebrant. But if you like me, then let’s get together and create something amazeballs for your special day in our beautiful island state.